Her struggle
I had a big argument with J recently. Initially I just wanted to express my disagreement with him but ended up we had a terrible argument. I burst into tears. It was not because I was upset with him but I was frustrated with myself. We keep having the same fight over and over. I can feel him getting exhausted. I feel sorry for him but I keep repeating the same mistake even though deep down I really do not want to.
He is the complete opposite of me. He is fun and outspoken. He has no problem to drive a conversation with anyone. He is able to carry himself whenever he is. I am a quiet person by nature but many people misunderstand me that I am not a friendly person. I would say that I am an easygoing person who avoids confrontation if necessary. He is very good with words and perhaps I am not. Everytime when argument occur, in the back of my mind I have had the thought that it should end but he always want me to say things out. Yes, he is right. But I am quiet when I am angry because I need time to sort my thoughts out. I don't want to say something that I would regret later. He'd rather have me shout the awful things at him than just go silent. I need time to calm myself down then only I speak up. My emotions don't recede as quickly as him. So he gets frustrated. That's how the argument turned worst every time.
O God! Why did you bring us together?
There's another problem (big enough to cause arguments) between us. I've lost count of the number of times that we argued on this. I am an introvert but I hate the fact that I am an introvert. I always wait for people to take lead to start a conversation. Sometimes I don't know if I am an introvert because I have no problems talking to strangers. Although I tend to be shy, I usually warm up quickly and will be joking around by the end of the night. That doesn't happen around his friends. My only problem is that I can't relax around his friends. I think I'm nervous because I know his friends mean a lot to him and I really want them to like me and they already have a tight-knit group, so I feel like the outsiders. I don't want to dread seeing his friends. I know that if I relaxed we would have a good time. How can I relax and be myself? What are good conversation topics that will keep things fun? The thoughts just running in my head.
I know I need to be on my best behaviour when I've decided to tag along but sometimes or most of the times I just ruined it. When I think I'm coming off as polite but I just appear inauthentic to those who don't know me all that well. This is really unattractive and no fun at all in these circumstances. Sometimes I just care too much to make a good impression.
This is really starting to get me down. I don't want his friends thinking I'm rude (for being silent) or that I don't like them.
The outgoing are always seem to radiate charm, passion and confidence. This is what I can see from him. And I always wish that I can be like him. How different we are...
But, I'm working on it. Being a better me... Need more support please....
He is the complete opposite of me. He is fun and outspoken. He has no problem to drive a conversation with anyone. He is able to carry himself whenever he is. I am a quiet person by nature but many people misunderstand me that I am not a friendly person. I would say that I am an easygoing person who avoids confrontation if necessary. He is very good with words and perhaps I am not. Everytime when argument occur, in the back of my mind I have had the thought that it should end but he always want me to say things out. Yes, he is right. But I am quiet when I am angry because I need time to sort my thoughts out. I don't want to say something that I would regret later. He'd rather have me shout the awful things at him than just go silent. I need time to calm myself down then only I speak up. My emotions don't recede as quickly as him. So he gets frustrated. That's how the argument turned worst every time.
O God! Why did you bring us together?
There's another problem (big enough to cause arguments) between us. I've lost count of the number of times that we argued on this. I am an introvert but I hate the fact that I am an introvert. I always wait for people to take lead to start a conversation. Sometimes I don't know if I am an introvert because I have no problems talking to strangers. Although I tend to be shy, I usually warm up quickly and will be joking around by the end of the night. That doesn't happen around his friends. My only problem is that I can't relax around his friends. I think I'm nervous because I know his friends mean a lot to him and I really want them to like me and they already have a tight-knit group, so I feel like the outsiders. I don't want to dread seeing his friends. I know that if I relaxed we would have a good time. How can I relax and be myself? What are good conversation topics that will keep things fun? The thoughts just running in my head.
I know I need to be on my best behaviour when I've decided to tag along but sometimes or most of the times I just ruined it. When I think I'm coming off as polite but I just appear inauthentic to those who don't know me all that well. This is really unattractive and no fun at all in these circumstances. Sometimes I just care too much to make a good impression.
This is really starting to get me down. I don't want his friends thinking I'm rude (for being silent) or that I don't like them.
The outgoing are always seem to radiate charm, passion and confidence. This is what I can see from him. And I always wish that I can be like him. How different we are...
But, I'm working on it. Being a better me... Need more support please....
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| God made us all different, unique in his way. |
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