Little Confessions
Every journey has a beginning and an end. My BB journey all started back in the year 2001 when I was still in primary school. Since then I have been active in BB.
I have served more than 10 years in BB, turning from a normal member to an officer then now a Captain. I never imagined I would be a Captain in BB as I always feel that I am a follower instead of a leader. I am lacking of leadership quality. It sometimes involves making decisions which requires a certain level of bravery. It requires you to be more courages as you need to try new things, have more confidence. I am lacking of all these qualities. Until today, I still don't think that I am the right person for this position.
So, what made me agree in the first place? Yeah, it's God. The one I can't fight with but He's the one to fight my battles when I can't.
Our officers council mainly made up by young adults, some still studying in college, some just started working. We are more like volunteers serving in this ministry, invest our time and energy during the weekends (including public holidays). It is hard to get someone to stay permanently in this small town.
Things went well in the first year of becoming captain which was 2017. As time passes by, their involvement in this ministry getting lesser, for different reasons. Slowly the responsibilities all fall on me. I have a team but I always feel like I'm an individual contributor on a team. When it came to 2018, second half year, I felt busy, tired and sort of overwhelmed. Most of my weekends, holidays and nights are consumed with spending time at BB, doing the planning and coordination. I felt crash and burn at many times. When it comes to third year (2019), the pull between being committed to things and not wanting to do them at all is becoming stronger. I was feeling mad at my own team and the ministry for making me so overwhelmed. I have losing my passion for serving in this ministry.
The ministry itself is wonderful thing but lately all these have not left me feeling very well.
Surviving but not thriving. This is how I describe the situation of the ministry now.
For this coming year, I've decided not going to be a part of BB officer anymore. Saying no and backing out are frowned upon in our culture. But ultimately, I know what my heart needs. A break.
Wouldn't it be sweet if everyone is holding each other up?
I have served more than 10 years in BB, turning from a normal member to an officer then now a Captain. I never imagined I would be a Captain in BB as I always feel that I am a follower instead of a leader. I am lacking of leadership quality. It sometimes involves making decisions which requires a certain level of bravery. It requires you to be more courages as you need to try new things, have more confidence. I am lacking of all these qualities. Until today, I still don't think that I am the right person for this position.
So, what made me agree in the first place? Yeah, it's God. The one I can't fight with but He's the one to fight my battles when I can't.
Things went well in the first year of becoming captain which was 2017. As time passes by, their involvement in this ministry getting lesser, for different reasons. Slowly the responsibilities all fall on me. I have a team but I always feel like I'm an individual contributor on a team. When it came to 2018, second half year, I felt busy, tired and sort of overwhelmed. Most of my weekends, holidays and nights are consumed with spending time at BB, doing the planning and coordination. I felt crash and burn at many times. When it comes to third year (2019), the pull between being committed to things and not wanting to do them at all is becoming stronger. I was feeling mad at my own team and the ministry for making me so overwhelmed. I have losing my passion for serving in this ministry.
The ministry itself is wonderful thing but lately all these have not left me feeling very well.
Surviving but not thriving. This is how I describe the situation of the ministry now.
For this coming year, I've decided not going to be a part of BB officer anymore. Saying no and backing out are frowned upon in our culture. But ultimately, I know what my heart needs. A break.
Wouldn't it be sweet if everyone is holding each other up?
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| Apart from You, I have no good thing |
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